i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
