THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
