It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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