I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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