So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
