man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
