ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
