puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I touched a dick in church today
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
