Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
