I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
40s are totally the cure
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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