we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
