At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
