We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
