i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
