Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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