rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
