I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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