Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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