PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he shaved USA in his pubs
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
