he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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