His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
