Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
