and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
