I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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