I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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