I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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