then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize