addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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