You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He passed out mid-signature
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
