It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
