I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Randomize
