My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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