There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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