i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
