I didn't shave. On purpose
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
are you so shy because you have an std?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
