WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
