i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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