sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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