I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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