i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
