Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
