so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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