I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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