Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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