your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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