I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize