That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
