Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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