apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
