Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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