She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
