i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
