her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
