her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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