You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
