is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
