No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
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