you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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