as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
