I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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