he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
