Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I came so hard my ears popped.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
