my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
