If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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