i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
