Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The air was thick with penises
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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