we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize