i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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