I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
