Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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