hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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