he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
