I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
