my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
