Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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