so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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