Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize