This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
