you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Come share oat with me in your robe
my liver is dry heaving
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
