I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
