I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
