Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
