this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize