how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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