i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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