Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
