I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
