I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
